Tag: people-pleasing

Todo List #poem

PAST

OVERDUE:
[ ] all the tasks that I said yes to when I ought to have said no
[ ] all the calls I need to follow-up so their businesses can grow
[ ] all the projects I took upon myself so that I could people please
[ ] all the projects I need to do to put myself at ease
[ ] all the urgent emails that I know I should have sent
[ ] all the bookings that I should have made ahead of the event
[ ] all those things that no one cares about but I think are a must
[ ] all those gadgets that need mending before they fully bust
[ ] all the delegated tasks from others resulting from their lack of time
[ ] all the things I think I should do so they think I’m fine
[ ] all the action points from meetings that I think were flagged for me
[ ] all the edits to the documents that I know you need to see

OTHER:
[ ] more tasks that I said yes to when I wanted to say no
[ ] more calls I’d like to follow-up to help my business grow
[ ] more projects I have taken on so I can people please
[ ] more projects that I want to do to put myself at ease
[ ] more emails that I know that it would help for me to send
[ ] more plans that I could make for upcoming events
[ ] more things that no one cares about but I think are a must
[ ] more gadgets that need maintenance to stop them going bust
[ ] more delegated tasks from others resulting from their lack of time
[ ] more things I’d like to finish (only then will I feel fine)
[ ] more action points from meetings that I let them flag to me
[ ] more edits to the documents that I’d like you to see

SOMEDAY/MAYBE:
[ ] try to make some art
[ ] try to pause a while
[ ] try to take time for myself
[ ] try to have fun
[ ] try to meet up with a friend
[ ] try to smile
[ ] try to laugh
[ ] try to simply do the things I want
[ ] try to quench my thirst
[ ] try to look after my brain
[ ] try to use a different font
[ ] try to listen to my heart
[ ] try to sit in the sun
[ ] try to soak up the rain
[ ] try to read the books that are piled upon the shelf
[ ] try to have a nice relaxing bath
[ ] try to ‘pay myself first’
[ ] try to ignore the latest trend

WAITING FOR:
[ ] the perfect time
[ ] the stars to align
[ ] the mists to clear
[ ] the loss of fear
[ ] all of the pieces to fall into place
[ ] and, of course, the ideal space
[ ] the feeling that it’s right
[ ] and for my chest to feel less tight
[ ] a decent night’s sleep
[ ] the bravery to take a leap
[ ] something to drink, and some food
[ ] the right mood

TODO TODAY:
[ ] put a cross in the unchecked boxes and strike-through all the words in the following lists:
…….[ ] WAITING FOR
…….[ ] OTHER
…….[ ] OVERDUE
[ ] wherever they appear in the SOMEDAY/MAYBE list strike-through the words: ‘try to’
[ ] start a new list with the title ‘TODO (RECURRING – EVERY DAY)’
[ ] add the unchecked tasks from SOMEDAY/MAYBE in a pleasing way
[ ] tear up all of the old lists and throw them right away

PRESENT

OVERDUE:
[x] all the tasks that I said yes to when I ought to have said no
[x] all the calls I need to follow-up so their businesses can grow
[x] all the projects I took upon myself so that I could people please
[x] all the projects I need to do to put myself at ease
[x] all the urgent emails that I know I should have sent
[x] all the bookings that I should have made ahead of the event
[x] all those things that no one cares about but I think are a must
[x] all those gadgets that need mending before they fully bust
[x] all the delegated tasks from others resulting from their lack of time
[x] all the things I think I should do so they think I’m fine
[x] all the action points from meetings that I think were flagged for me
[x] all the edits to the documents that I know you need to see

OTHER:
[x] more tasks that I said yes to when I wanted to say no
[x] more calls I’d like to follow-up to help my business grow
[x] more projects I have taken on so I can people please
[x] more projects that I want to do to put myself at ease
[x] more emails that I know that it would help for me to send
[x] more plans that I could make for upcoming events
[x] more things that no one cares about but I think are a must
[x] more gadgets that need maintenance to stop them going bust
[x] more delegated tasks from others resulting from their lack of time
[x] more things I’d like to finish (only then will I feel fine)
[x] more action points from meetings that I let them flag to me
[x] more edits to the documents that I’d like you to see

SOMEDAY/MAYBE:
[ ] try to make some art
[ ] try to pause a while
[ ] try to take time for myself
[ ] try to have fun
[ ] try to meet up with a friend
[ ] try to smile
[ ] try tolaugh
[ ] try to simply do the things I want
[ ] try to quench my thirst
[ ] try to look after my brain
[ ] try to use a different font
[ ] try to listen to my heart
[ ] try to sit in the sun
[ ] try to soak up the rain
[ ] try to read the books that are piled upon the shelf
[ ] try to have a nice relaxing bath
[ ] try to ‘pay myself first’
[ ] try to ignore the latest trend

WAITING FOR:
[x] the perfect time
[x] the stars to align
[x] the mists to clear
[x] the loss of fear
[x] all of the pieces to fall into place
[x] and, of course, the ideal space
[x] the feeling that it’s right
[x] and for my chest to feel less tight
[x] a decent night’s sleep
[x] the bravery to take a leap
[x] something to drink, and some food
[x] the right mood

TODO TODAY:
[x] put a tick in the unchecked boxes and strike-through all the words in the following lists:
…….[x] WAITING FOR
…….[x] OTHER
…….[x] OVERDUE
[x] wherever they appear in the SOMEDAY/MAYBE list strike-through the words: ‘try to’
[x] start a new list with the title ‘TODO (RECURRING – EVERY DAY)’
[x] add the unchecked tasks from SOMEDAY/MAYBE in a pleasing way
[x] tear up all of the old lists and throw them right away

FUTURE

TODO (RECURRING – EVERY DAY):
[ ] quench my thirst
[ ] ‘pay myself first’
[ ] read the books that are piled upon the shelf
[ ] take time for myself
[ ] soak up the rain
[ ] look after my brain
[ ] make some art
[ ] listen to my heart
[ ] sit in the sun
[ ] have fun
[ ] have a nice relaxing bath
[ ] laugh
[ ] pause a while
[ ] smile
[ ] ignore the latest trend
[ ] meet up with a friend
[ ] use a different font
[ ] simply do the things I want

(c) Tim O’Hare, June 2023

About this poem: I’ve been something of a ‘productivity geek’ for quite a few years using various systems of lists to track what I need to do (or think I need to do). Much of this tracking behaviour is built on a very well-known system known as ‘Getting Things Done’ (GTD) from a book with the same name by the author David Allen. This uses lists for things To Do, things that you are Waiting For, things you might do Someday and/or Maybe etc. Recently, I’ve been trying to relax my use of such systems, especially as I have realised that tracking everything in this way also feeds some of my obsessive collecting and perfectionist behaviours and supports my ‘people pleasing’ tendency. Todo List tries to capture a way out of this pattern of thinking, turning the controlling power of a Todo List into a weapon to destroy the worst aspects of the behaviour such lists can engender.

Does It Matter? #poem

Does it matter what they’re thinking?
Does it matter what they think of what I say?
Does it matter if I do what they’re expecting?
Does it matter if I do it anyway?

Does it matter if I play the game they choose?
Does it matter if they think that I’m a fool?
Does it matter if I win or if I lose?
Does it matter if I play by different rules?

Does it matter if I do it when I should do?
Does it matter if I go at my own pace?
Does it matter if I keep myself beside you?
Does it matter if I run a different race?

Does it matter if I wear a different colour?
Does it matter if I my hair’s a little long?
Does it matter if I like things to be quieter?
Does it matter if I break out into song?

Does it matter if I go across the bridge?
Does it matter if I’m in a different land?
Does it matter if I speak a different language?
Does it matter if I’m hard to understand?

Does it matter if I go to different places?
Does it matter if I seem a little weird?
Does it matter if I once wore rainbow laces?
Does it matter if I’m nothing to be feared?

Does it matter what they’re thinking?
Does it matter what they think of what I say?
Does it matter if I do what they’re expecting?
I think I’ll do it anyway.

(c) Tim O’Hare, June 2023

About this poem: I had read an article about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and how this can lead to ‘people pleasing’ behaviour, something that I tend to adopt strongly. ‘Does It Matter?’ tries to capture aspects of the internal struggle that works its way through my head on a near continuous basis and also provides a form of written antidote that reminds me that I do not have to do what I think is expected of me or behave in the ways that I think I am expected to behave or only do things once I have received some form of external confirmation that they are worthwhile or valid things to do.

This was the second poem I wrote, back in early summer 2023. It’s been clear since then that writing and publishing my poems has helped me to become much less dependent on receiving external validation for my work and much happier to just put stuff out there and see what happens (even if that turns out to be nothing very much!). I think this poem expressed something that I always knew inside but was perhaps a little fearful to recognize.