Does it matter what they’re thinking?
Does it matter what they think of what I say?
Does it matter if I do what they’re expecting?
Does it matter if I do it anyway?
Does it matter if I play the game they choose?
Does it matter if they think that I’m a fool?
Does it matter if I win or if I lose?
Does it matter if I play by different rules?
Does it matter if I do it when I should do?
Does it matter if I go at my own pace?
Does it matter if I keep myself beside you?
Does it matter if I run a different race?
Does it matter if I wear a different colour?
Does it matter if I my hair’s a little long?
Does it matter if I like things to be quieter?
Does it matter if I break out into song?
Does it matter if I go across the bridge?
Does it matter if I’m in a different land?
Does it matter if I speak a different language?
Does it matter if I’m hard to understand?
Does it matter if I go to different places?
Does it matter if I seem a little weird?
Does it matter if I once wore rainbow laces?
Does it matter if I’m nothing to be feared?
Does it matter what they’re thinking?
Does it matter what they think of what I say?
Does it matter if I do what they’re expecting?
I think I’ll do it anyway.
(c) Tim O’Hare, June 2023
About this poem: I had read an article about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and how this can lead to ‘people pleasing’ behaviour, something that I tend to adopt strongly. ‘Does It Matter?’ tries to capture aspects of the internal struggle that works its way through my head on a near continuous basis and also provides a form of written antidote that reminds me that I do not have to do what I think is expected of me or behave in the ways that I think I am expected to behave or only do things once I have received some form of external confirmation that they are worthwhile or valid things to do.
This was the second poem I wrote, back in early summer 2023. It’s been clear since then that writing and publishing my poems has helped me to become much less dependent on receiving external validation for my work and much happier to just put stuff out there and see what happens (even if that turns out to be nothing very much!). I think this poem expressed something that I always knew inside but was perhaps a little fearful to recognize.
Tim O'Hare 