Tag: journaling

Meditation 241022

I used to have a strong, more-or-less daily, journaling practice. This would usually take place as part of my morning routine and involved me writing out by hand into a notebook whatever thoughts were running through my head. This would typically take me around 30 minutes (although sometimes it would be a much longer session) and in the process I would work through issues that I was facing, collect fresh ideas and reflect on how I was progressing in life. I found it very useful practice – one of what I called my ‘Things That Help’ – but gradually I got a sense that my daily journaling session had become an impediment to me actually getting on with whatever it was I wanted to, or should have been, doing. I couldn’t escape the feeling that journaling had become a displacement activity that helped me to avoid getting on with the day. It was perhaps one part of what made me a Master Procrastinator.

A few months ago I made the bold (for me) decision to switch things around, moving away from writing by hand in favour of typed entries in my Obsidian-based Life-Management-System, and if that wasn’t enough I shifted the timing of my journaling sessions to mid-evening. In addition, based on countless recommendations that I had read telling me that it was a good idea to adopt a structured approach to writing journal entries, I picked a series of prompt questions (‘What went well today?’, ‘What could have gone better today?’, ‘What could I do differently?’ etc.) and then wrote responses to these based on the day that I had just experienced. After I made these changes things started quite well and I wrote entries on most week days for the best part of a couple of months, but after a while, and I can’t really believe that I am writing this, I found that all I could write in response to my second question, ‘What could have gone better today?’ was something along the lines of ‘well nothing really’. After a week or two of writing such entries I reached the conclusion that I was done with typing structured journal entries each evening and, in fact, I was done with the practice of journaling, full stop.

Walking home from work this evening, after having had a brief conversation about the value of journaling within an online community that I am a member of, I started to think again about whether there was any other way that I could incorporate something akin to journaling back into my life. Alongside this, I have been wanting for some time to try to get back into some kind of reasonably regular pattern of writing entries for this blog and so my brain threw the two tasks together and came up with the idea that I could (sort of) journal by writing (hopefully) regular (sort of) blog posts.

This is my first attempt – a blog post in which I reflect on some aspect of my life, some issue that I am grappling with, some idea that I have had or… well who knows? I certainly don’t. I don’t even know whether I will write any more such posts after this one – it seems like an interesting idea right now but I know what I am like and so I know that it is quite likely that things won’t turn out as I think they will. We will see I guess (or I will see at least, because I don’t know whether anyone will ever read this and turn my I into our we!)

There’s one final point I ought to acknowledge… that yes, it is just a little pretentious to call these entries and the section of the blog that they sit in ‘Meditations’ because I really cannot claim to be anywhere near as wise as the writer of the original ‘Meditations’, the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. But who knows? Marcus Aurelius wrote his daily journal entries for one person only – writing them was his personal process for keeping himself on track with the Stoic principles he held dear. He wasn’t trying to be profound or to instruct or inspire others, he was just working through his thoughts and reminding himself of important principles. So I will try to adopt the same principle – at least I will aim write for myself, to help myself navigate life’s challenges, and if along the way there is a reader, or even readers, who enjoy or find anything of interest in my writings then that’’ll just be a bonus!

Notebook Thinking

I like to spend a little time each day pondering my thoughts by writing them out long-hand in a notebook. Sometimes an entry is all about one thing, how I am feeling, what I am going to do that day (usually I write earlier in the day rather than later) or something that is bothering me. Often the thoughts are more scattered and random, crashing about from one theme to another with no obvious structure.

I’m not sure when this habit started but, as can be seen from the picture below, it clearly become established about 5 years ago when I adopted a standard size and type of notebook (Moleskine pocket hardbound, usually squared, sometimes lined). I also have a standard type of pen (Mitsubishi USB185S, usually black, occasionally blue but only for a day or two if my black has run out and I have no replacement handy). I buy the pens in bulk and the notebooks a few weeks in advance – I have my next one ready and waiting. It would now trouble me quite a lot to use a different type of notebook or a different type of pen. I know that’s not a good thing… surprisingly, it doesn’t seem to bother me what colour I have.

I write in full sentences, recording my thoughts in an almost conversational style – just like this blog entry really. I think that this act of writing thoughts out by hand in pen on paper, slowly, is central to the enjoyment and value I get from the exercise. It stops me from racing ahead and forces me to stay with a line of thinking for longer than I probably would otherwise.

Sometimes I just end up with a page or two of writing that doesn’t say anything very much and it seems a bit pointless and forced. Other times I can stay in my groove for quite a long time (maybe an hour if I am well situated with a decent coffee nearby and, perhaps, not where I ought to be doing what I ought to be doing…). On those occasions I can really unlock blocks and constraints in my mind and my life, settling myself down, sifting my thoughts into order, resolving problems and geeing myself up for action. It’s wonderful when that happens.

To my knowledge, no-one has ever read anything I have written in these notebooks. If they have, they have certainly never admitted it. That’s probably just as well – I don’t generally write about deeply personal stuff involving other people although I do quite like to grumble. But I do write about what I am thinking and feeling, the frustrations I have with myself, especially in relation to my ongoing battles with procrastination and my tendency to be always be looking forward to some future time when life is how I want it to be rather than getting on with it now (I’ve ALWAYS been like that) and I am not sure that anyone else should have to suffer by entering that world.