Battling the Cracks in Time

Over the last couple of weeks I have been working my way through a huge (virtual) pile of marking – 161 pieces of first year coursework about the circulation of water into and out of the Mediterranean Sea, each one taking me approximately 15 minutes to mark (which equates to a little over 40 hours over a two week period during which all of the rest of my work also had to happen). It was a mammoth task and not one I want to repeat again next year so I will have to make sure that I re-design the work into a more manageable form. To make matters worse, I absolutely hate marking (I suspect everyone does) – it is repetitive, physically and mentally tiring, boring and often quite disheartening. It is a job where it is absolutely essential to be efficient and to stick on task.

As I was working through the pieces of work and struggling to keep on track and avoid being pulled off to do something else more interesting and enjoyable (i.e. anything else) I got a really strong sense that the secret to being successful against this challenge was to not allow tiny cracks in time to open up. The critical time was always just at the moment when I had completed marking one piece of work but just before I had started on the next one. I came to think of these moments as cracks in time.

At the end of each piece of work I had a strong physical sensation of a tiny crack in time appearing and even the slightest hesitation at that point would result in it opening ever so slightly wider, then wider, then wider still until I had tumbled in (to have got up to make a drink or check something on the internet or anything really). I had to be ready for these cracks; ready to outwit them by stepping over into the next piece of work before the crack could take hold and rip open. As soon as I had completed the final action of processing the piece I had just marked I had to be into the next one, opening up the file ready to start work on it. I found that it mattered much less if I paused a few seconds if I had already opened, and therefore ‘started’, the next piece of work than if I paused before doing so. To do the latter allowed the tiny crack to begin its expansion and immediately that had happened a huge amount of additional willpower was needed to get back on track. Although battling these cracks was obviously really a mental challenge, I cannot really put into words how physical the sensation felt, and I think for that reason the idea of cracks in time and my having to battle against their development has taken hold in my head in a wider context than just marking. I have come to realise that much of my battle to maintain the high level of productivity that I desire is the battle against allowing the cracks in time to open. Knowing this I am starting to train myself to be ready for them, to recognise their appearance at the earliest possible stage and to have in place strategies for leaping over them to leave them behind me before they become too wide.

Just get the job done

Spoiler Alert – If you haven’t watched Series 4 of Game of Thrones yet and think that your might want to, don’t read the rest of this post… [I’m not sure who I am addressing with that comment – almost no-one will ever read this anyway!]

Towards the end of the Series 4 of Game of Thrones (TV series), episode 8 to be exact, there is a classic piece of single-handed combat that nicely captures a really important lesson in life. The fight is a ‘Trial by Combat’ in which the flashy Prince Oberyn of Dorn elects to fight the ruling family’s representative, the huge, heavily armed and aptly named knight ‘The Mountain’. Oberyn has chosen to fight on behalf of the person on trial because he seeks revenge/justice against The Mountain who, previously, had raped and killed Oberyn’s sister. So, essentially, the battle is one of speed, agility and showmanship (Oberyn) versus cumbersome bulk and extreme brute force (The Mountain). Everyone watching expects The Mountain to win easily because that is what he always does, such is his size and power, but Oberyn fancies his chances because he is quick and skillful.

The battle starts and the lightly-armoured Oberyn spins and dances his way around The Mountain wielding only a long spear. It’s very flashy and showy stuff. The spear whirls and twirls through the air as Oberyn leaps under, over and around The Mountain but no particular damage is done. I can’t remember the exact sequence, but The Mountain does take the ascendancy at some point, smashing Oberyn’s spear after, I think, the latter slips or is tripped, but a replacement is immediately thrust into Oberyn’s hand. Oberyn then lands a telling blow, and another and another until The Mountain is put onto the floor, apparently in a near-death state with mortal wounds… This is where Oberyn gets things wrong. He is so bent on seeking vengeance on behalf of his sister that it isn’t enough for him to win the battle and kill her abuser, he feels the need to insist on a confession from his nearly dead adversary. He stands over him yelling at him to confess – to confess for the rape, to confess for the murder, to name the person who gave him orders to do this crimes etc. Over and over he dances over The Mountain’s prone body, screaming for him to own up to his crimes. And then [of course], suddenly, The Mountain grips Oberyn’s leg, twists him round (brute strength comes in handy even when you are practically dead) and lays him on his back. The Mountain rights himself, crouches over Oberyn and thrusts his hands into his head/eyes pushing down with the enormous force that his massive frame gives him. [At this point I began to stop paying much attention to what was happening on the screen – I am a pretty squeamish person and I could tell it wasn’t going to be pretty. Unfortunately, not only was the resulting scene visually one of the most gross things I have witnessed but, also, the popping sound as Oberyn’s skull bursts open was also pretty horrendous (shudder)]. So, despite being taken to the brink of death by Oberyn, The Mountain wins the fight.

But the thing is, Oberyn COULD have won. In fact, Oberyn SHOULD have won. All he needed to do was to take his spear and finish The Mountain off. He had the time and he had the opportunity. But oh no, these flashy types simply cannot resist the temptation to make a point, to play to the crowd or to try to finish things in style. You would think they would learn.

So the lesson here is that when you are given the opportunity to get the job done, don’t lark about, don’t show off, don’t try to make a point or get extra value/credit or anything similar, learn a lesson from Oberyn’s mistake and just get the job done.

Slipping

A few weeks ago I decided to make an effort to keep adding content to this site and set myself a daily reminder to write a blog entry. It didn’t matter what I wrote about as long as I wrote something most days (weekdays at least). For a while I did fairly well, sometimes writing about something I had done or thought about at work, other times about some random topic that had come to mind or about an book I had read or a podcast I had listened to. It didn’t matter that no-one (well, almost no-one) looks at this site – that wasn’t the point. Really, I am writing for myself just as a practice/ regular discipline. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Unfortunately, it looks like I have slipped off the track. The last entry before this one was a week and a half ago. This means that I have ignored 10 days of daily reminders when they pop up on my phone. Actually it is worse than that. I haven’t simply ignored, or not noticed, them. I have clicked a button to confirm that they have been completed so that they have each gone away (only to come back again the next day). I don’t want this to happen. I want to try to maintain a close-to-daily discipline of writing something. Hence this post. Slipping off the track is something that I have always been fairly good at, although perhaps it would be fairer to say that I am pretty good at switching off one track onto another as I am always busy and always trying to accomplish something like this.

I have a few possible topics for upcoming entries. I have just about finished reading another book and will write about that. I want to put down a few thoughts about Aristotle’s ideas on ‘flourishing’, I could reflect on my latest (there I go again) method of trying to get fitter/stronger each morning and I am sure I could write something about where my running is at at the moment. It’s just a matter of sticking with it. I always think that having ideas isn’t too difficult, the difficult part is turning them into action. That’s really what this writing discipline is all about – action, action, action.

Marking with a positive head on

Today I have been working at home (mostly) marking student coursework. I need to say at the outset that I hate marking. It is a task that never leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction at a job well done. Generally, I find that most of the work I mark is of a fairly mediocre standard, seemingly thrown together with nothing like the care and attention to detail that I think is appropriate. It is like the students simply see pieces of coursework as tasks that have to be got out of the way as quickly as possible, or with the least pain possible, rather than as opportunities to showcase their knowledge, creativity, insight etc. I have told students this on countless occasions, both before and after completing work for me, but the message never seems to get through. I suppose this means that I need to re-examine HOW I am transmitting this message to the students. ‘Something’ always seems to be ‘good enough’.

I suspect that I have a reputation as a hard marker. I suspect that students submitting work for my assignments THINK they deserve better marks. I am pretty sure that I do tend to mark with a somewhat negative mindset, at least in the sense that I notice everything that is wrong or unclear or lacking ahead of noticing things that are right. So I probably could adopt a more positive approach and look much more for the good in pieces of work and/or for the comments I can make to help a student improve rather than pointing out or correcting shortcomings. But this is difficult when so much of the work that is submitted is, to use a ‘word’ that seems to have come into fashion these days, just ‘meh’. This kind of work is not wrong (mostly), it’s just lacking in spark and displaying such a paucity of pride or self-respect. Faced with a sequence of ‘meh’ scripts I find it very difficult not to descend into a negative mindset.

Anyway, today I marked 18 questions, the first of two that students had completed for an assignment on my Year 2 Meteorology module. There was quite a lot of ‘meh’ work in the batch but I THINK I managed to hold on to the line of thought that my role was to offer positive suggestions for improvement whilst still indicating the areas of weakness. Pleasingly, there were a couple of really good pieces of work in the pile, one especially that really showed that the student had taken time to 1) understand everything that they were doing and 2) [importantly in my view] THINK about how to get this across to me. This piece of work was embued with a real sense of the student wanting to display  their best self to me. Fortunately, it came towards the end of the [virtual] pile so it left me with a somewhat positive feeling about the whole day’s work – a fortunate piece of happenstance if ever there was one.

Talking to Squirrels

Something potentially worrying started to happen yesterday. With a bit of luck it will turn out to have been a one-off (actually a two-off) event but it’s clearly something I need to keep an eye on, because, get this, I seem to have started talking to squirrels.

First, when I was out on my Saturday morning run (7.2 miles linking together seven different Plymouth parks) and heading down a footpath in Devonport Park a grey squirrel sauntered across from the grassy area to my left. Obviously pretty tame, the squirrel didn’t seem at all worried about the fact that we were on a collision course, but I slowed to allow it across the path in front of me and as I did so I found myself saying out loud ‘after you’ and sweeping my right arm to the side in a ‘you first’ gesture.

Later, walking over to Home Park to watch Plymouth Argyle’s FA Cup match against Grimsby, I looked to my left through a metal fence into Central Park and saw another squirrel sitting a few feet from me. Fortunately there was no-one nearby because for some unknown reason I turned my head towards the squirrel and uttered the words ‘Alright mate’. Almost immediately I was struck by the ridiculousness of what I had just done – not only had I spoken to a squirrel for the second time in one day but, surely worse, I had called it ‘mate’.


Afterwards, in a frantic piece of post-event justification, I found myself thinking how it is not SO unreasonable to speak to wild animals. If I had startled a bird it might have squawked at me, or a dog might have woofed at me etc., so it could be argued that one animal making noise at another kind of animal isn’t such an odd occurrence. Obviously the squirrel couldn’t understand my English words (well I assume it couldn’t!) but then I can’t understand squawkish or woofish either, and I was only be polite and friendly, so there’s nothing to worry about is there? Is there?

Action, Knowledge and Devotion

I am currently listening to a series of lectures titled ‘The Meaning of Life: Perspectives from the World’s Great Intellectual Traditions’ given by Professor Jay Garfield from The Great Courses. I am only a little way in but already I am struck by his introduction to the ancient Indian/Hindu text The Bhagavad Gita. In this, he introduces the three disciplines on ‘yoga’ of Action, Knowledge and Devotion.

As I understand things, and my understanding is certainly not pure and un-mangled by my own thoughts, the idea of the Action Discipline is that one should maintain a commitment to action for its own sake and not as a means to an end. The idea is to disassociate the desire to take action from the possible outcome/reward and focus on simply taking action because this is the right way to live. In addition, it is essential to realise that to choose not to take action is actually a false choice since inaction is really an action not to do something and both the action and the inaction have consequences. So inaction is actually action and should be acknowledged as such. The example that comes to my mind here is that when I do exercises in the morning I should try to simply do exercises in the morning and not be particularly concerned about the longer-term impact these might have on my physique/well-being etc. In other words, I do exercises in the morning because that’s what I do.

The Knowledge Discipline refers to the need to understand the context in which actions are taken and to grasp their consequences. Actions should be taken from a basis of sound knowledge and knowledge should be expanded through action. An important aspect of this is reflection. Contemplation was a word that cropped up.

The Devotion Discipline is the one that, at this time, interested me the most (I have already THOUGHT about action a lot and have no difficulty with a commitment to seeking and using knowledge). The main idea behind Devotion seems to be that actions should be directed towards the greater whole (i.e. towards the cosmic or eternal scale) and not on the self. One should always consider whether an action is being taken with one’s own interests at heart or whether it is for the greater good. This can be applied at a more local level, for example, I might choose to teach a class in a particular way because it is easy for me to do so but I SHOULD be looking to teach it in a way that produces the maximum benefit for the students involved. This may sound obvious but I think it poses an interesting challenge as to always complete actions with this level of devotion to the greater whole would surely make them more difficult, time-consuming etc. I can see that to follow the Devotion Discipline may require a shift in mindset and a fair amount of work but I can also see that it is really the right thing to do.

Action, Knowledge, Devotion – it does seem like a powerful triad.

Days Lost versus Days Gained

The days seem to be rushing past at a rate that far exceeds anything I can remember. Each morning the alarm goes off at 6:55, I wake up thinking ‘here we go again’ and it seems like only moments ago that I last did the same. I’m quite familiar with the feeling that time seems to pass more quickly as I get older, something which I always put down to any given time period, such as one hour, being an ever-reducing proportion of my whole life. I am pretty sure that we perceive the passing of time, at least in large part, as being relative to our lifespan to date. But this new sensation of the days tumbling one after the other with such apparently rapid rapidity feels new, or at least more severe.

I expect that time seems to be passing particularly quickly at the moment because I am busy at work. This is my busiest time of year as far as teaching sessions are concerned and most days have multiple fixed appointments such that there is rather limited freedom to shape the progress of each day. Add to this the fact that I have begun to pack some of my early mornings with exercise and it is easy to see how each day has really become a procession of scheduled activities through which I am passing, one after the other with somewhat monotonous regularity. When I think about all of this I am torn between thinking that the solution is to do less and open up more free space in my schedule or to do even more in an attempt to shift myself into a mindset of constant activity. My instinct is that whilst it always seems tempting to do less and to try to relax, it is probably better to stick with things and/or do more. Like many machines, we seem to be able to keep going better and be more effective if we are constantly in use (accepting that sleep is an essential activity that helps to maintain the machinery).

As I write this another thought comes to mind. I think I have a tendency to wake up and think ‘here we go again’ in a somewhat negative, or regretful, manner. Perhaps I am viewing each rapidly passing day as something that has been lost whereas I could view the arrival of each new day as a cause for celebration. Each day that passes is one less day that I have to live but each morning that I awaken is one more day in which to live. Is the glass becoming increasingly empty or is the glass being refilled on a daily basis? It is all a matter of perspective and I think the trick I need to try to employ is to switch my morning mindset to one of excitement at having successfully awoken to a new day and the opportunities it brings. This post started out being titled as ‘Time is rushing past’ but I think the new title ‘Days Lost versus Days Gained’ is a far better way of capturing what has been in my mind as I have written it. The author and Stoic Ryan Holiday suggests that we should carry with us a constant reminder of our mortality to help steer us towards a ‘seize the day’ mental attitude. I am not sure that I really want to constantly remind myself that this day might be my last but I can see some sense and value in this idea. In a similar vein, artist and author Austin Kleon recommends reading the obituary column of a newspaper each day to provide this kind of reminder and also to draw inspiration about what it is possible to achieve with a human life.

Carpe Diem.

How my arms stopped working

On Saturday, inspired by the Tim Ferris Show Jocko Willink podcast that I listened to last week I decided to start again with a 10 week programme of Bodyweight Exercises. I am repeatedly telling myself that I want to try to get a better level of all-round fitness and strength but always struggle to find the time or a suitable programme to follow. Last year I came across a book and app by Mark Lauren (an ex-US Forces trainer) and, on paper, his course looks well thought out and do-able. In fact, last autumn I completed about 6 weeks of his Basic programme, albeit stretched out over an 8-9 week period but then gave up.

The problem I have with any strength training exercises is that I have practically zero upper-body/arm strength, so I completely struggle with push-ups, pull-ups, dips etc. I remember that last year I found the programme very difficult in this respect, doing less repetitions and easier forms of exercises, and I am pretty sure that it was this difficulty that led me to give up the programme when I did (about the time I was supposed to start doing more-or-less proper pull-ups).

So on Saturday it was a case of starting from scratch with Day 1 of Week 1 which just so happens to be a set of push/pull exercises. The routine involved four exercises – push-ups from a knee-high surface, pull-me ins (holding onto door handles and pulling your body towards the door), seated dips and pull-me ups (pulling myself up to a waist-high bar). Each exercise was done for six 30 minute periods separated by 30 second rest periods aiming for 12 repetitions of the exercise in 30 seconds (so that, in theory, 6 x 12 = 72 repetitions of each exercise are completed). Writing this down does make it seem a lot… Anyway, I dragged myself through the routine although in some cases the number of repetitions I managed was as low as 5 or 6. It was pretty obvious that next time I need to make some of the exercises easier (push-ups from a wall) or lower the target repetitions (aim for 6 x 7 repeats consistently rather than failing to do more).

Immediately afterwards my arms were fine. The next day (Sunday) I could feel various specific muscles in my arms and chests quite a lot. I wouldn’t say they hurt but I definitely knew that I had worked them. Yesterday, my arms pretty much stopped working. In particular, the outer part of my upper arms and the inner part of my lower arms just below the elbow joint were suffused with a burning sensation whenever I tried to move them. Even simple tasks like putting earphones in my ears were VERY painful and difficult to accomplish. It sounds ridiculous and, really, it was ridiculous. I don’t remember things being this bad last time I tried the programme. My arms are a bit better today. I can still feel the muscles that are sore, but things seem to be moving better and I sense a return to normality is in the offing. The snag though is that Day 3 of the routine (I did Day 2 yesterday but that was leg based and okay) is tomorrow, so if my arms have pretty much recovered from Saturday I am going to hammer them again and can’t begin to imagine how they will then feel by Friday…

… and thenI have to do it all over again on Saturday or Sunday!

If This Is A Man (Primo Levi)

A short while ago I stumbled on a recommendation for Primo Levi’s autobiographical works ‘If This Is A Man’ and ‘The Truce’. Sadly, I cannot remember where this recommendation arose but it was clearly sufficiently attention grabbing that I ordered a copy. Last night I finished reading the first part – ‘If This Is A Man’.

Primo Levi was a (Jewish) Italian chemist who was swept up by German occupying forces towards the end of the Second World War and sent to a work/concentration camp linked to Auschwitz. He is one of the few who survived this experience and one of the very few who wrote about the experience. His reason for doing so was to try to ensure that what happened in the camps would never be forgotten or taken for granted by future generations.

Quite obviously, Levi’s account of life in the camp makes for harrowing reading, but he has a way of just describing the way it was without over-analysing that makes the account highly readable and interesting but never allows the reader to escape the fact that he is not writing a story. Over time the men in the camp had almost every aspect of their humanity stripped away from them, always with the ongoing threat of the ‘Selections’ which sent so many to the gas chambers. Levi’s story is one of ingenuity – the ingenuity of taking actions and controlling thought processes to survive from day to day for no reason other than to survive (the pursuit of freedom was never a viable objective).

At school I stopped studying history at the age of about 13-14 and so I missed out on the commonly taught ‘modern European history’ element that covers this ground. Obviously I was aware of the holocaust, some of the camps and the general topic but this was pretty much the first time I have properly exposed myself to thinking about what went on. I found it fascinating and challenging and this WAS a book that I would recommend as one that people OUGHT to read.

There were a few passages that particularly struck me, one of which contained the following quote, words written by a friend of Levi tat continued to run through his mind:

“…Until one day
There will be no more sense in saying” tomorrow”

The Reverse Sansom Effect

I am no scholar of the Holy Bible but I can remember enough from my school days to recall the basics of the story of Sansom and Delilah. Sansom was strong and powerful, breezing through life achieving his goals with his long hair flowing behind him as he went about his business. For some reason that escapes me now, probably something to do with love/envy/greed, somebody decided that they needed to take Sansom out of the running and somehow found out that the secret to Sansom’s strength was the length of his hair. Getting close enough to Sansom to cut off the source of his power was tricky but eventually they managed to get his wife Delilah to betray him by taking some scissors to his locks as he slept one night. Sansom awoke in the morning greatly diminished only to be overpowered by his enemies and that was the end of him. At least, that’s all I remember of the story.

I am REALLY bad at getting my haircut. A year or so back I could easily go 3 months without a haircut, allowing it to grow not to a length which could ever be described as ‘long’ but just to the point where it was obvious that I really needed a haircut to sort out the somewhat unruly mop that sat on my head. The thing about this is that I didn’t like my hair being longer. In fact I positively disliked it in this state. Looking at myself in a mirror it seemed to me that I looked older, more haggard, more tired once my hair had gone past its critical point. So, this year, I have tried to be more efficient at getting my hair cut more frequently, setting out with the intention of a haircut roughly every 6 weeks, and for a while it went fairly well. Sadly, over the last couple of months I have allowed myself to slip back into my old habit and as my hair has grown I have felt myself tiring, ageing and generally becoming less satisfied with myself. Obviously, I know that this has nothing whatsoever to do with my hair length (or does it?) – it just seems that way. Likewise, I am sure that Sansom wasn’t really strong because his hair was long but, more likely, he FELT strong because his hair was how he wanted it to be, like some kind of psychological scaffold upon which his powerful persona was built.

All of this is to report that, this morning, I finally called into the Barbers on my way into work and had my usual ‘Number 3 on the back and sides and short on the top to match in’. The result is that I instantly feel more content, energetic and ready to attack life. I think of this as The Reverse Sansom Effect. Take away Sansom’s hair and you remove the source of his power, take away mine and I awaken a little. There’s only one way to finish this post – it has to be a goofy picture of me post-haircut and raring to go and yes, I am pulling a stupid face…